Crashing Cars and Careless Words

A few nights ago after gulping down my dinner, I jumped into the car and headed off to church for a meeting. I backed out of the garage and went through my little "steering ritual," which requires some explanation. At the base of our driveway there is a drain that is sunk down too deep, so we always back out on the left side of it. But we also park our van on the left side of the driveway, to allow room for the car to back out of the garage. If our daughter is home, she also parks on that side of the driveway, behind the van.

So I backed out of the garage as I always due, looking at both side mirrors to avoid the van on my left and the grass on my right. Once I saw that I cleared the van, I turned the steering wheel to the left so that by the time I got to the end of the driveway, I could avoid the drain.

This ritual has become so common, I don't even think about it anymore. That, however, created a problem. As I continued to back out, I suddenly heard a sound of metal crunching against metal. "NOOOOO!" I yelled. Immediately I knew what happened. I had forgotten that my daughter was home and had parked her itty-bitty Mazda behind the van!

If you have ever made such a stupid mistake as I did, you can relate to the frustration I felt. One careless move, and I created unnecessary damage.

If we are not watchful, we can do the same thing with our words. "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts..." (Prov. 12:18). Rash can be defined as "displaying or proceeding from a lack of careful consideration of the possible consequences of an action." So, here, the Spirit of God is not talking about words that are intentionally mean or destructive, but ones that are given no thought in terms of their effects. Such words include:

• "harmless jokes" (i.e. laughter at someone else's expense - see Proverbs 26:18-19)
• newsy items (gossip)
• critical or sarcastic remarks (I didn't mean anything by it)
• complaining
• arguing

The list goes on and on. Again, we're not talking about intentional words but the kind that come out of our mouth without thinking. Again, that's the problem. We speak without thinking. That's pretty dangerous when you think of Jesus' warning, recorded in Matthew 12:36: "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak." Every careless word! That's sobering! We need to wise up!

How can we do that, i.e. "wise up" when it comes to our words? First, we can ask the Lord for help. We can pray as David did, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer" (Psalm 19:14). Then, working in cooperation with the Holy Spirit, we can be purposeful in our use of words, choosing them carefully ... thinking before we speak. We can:

• Choose words of restraint. Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent." It's been said that a wise man speaks because he has something to say; a fool speaks because he has to say something. I think of what Neal Page (Steve Martin) said to Del Griffith (John Candy), the talkative shower-curtain-ring salesman in the movie Planes, Trains & Automobiles: "Everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate." There's some sound wisdom in that counsel!
• Choose words of truth. "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor..." (Eph. 4:25).
• Choose words of love. One can speak the truth but in a hurtful way. We must choose to be loving in our communication with others. Ephesians 4:15 says that believers in Christ are to be "proclaiming the truth in love."
• Choose words of grace. Again in Ephesians 4 we are commanded, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (v. 29).
• Choose words of forgiveness. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Eph. 4:32-5:2).

As you can see, Ephesians 4 alone is a chapter filled with rich exhortations regarding our choice of words. Paul David Tripp has expounded on these more thoroughly in his book War of Words, if you would like to delve more deeply into this subject, using that as a resource.

Bottom line: Mind what you say, or you'll say whatever comes to mind -- and do a lot of damage, both to yourself and others.