I Had a Bad Day

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seemed to go wrong?  I have - as recently as yesterday.

And yet the day started off so well!  I got up, grabbed a cup of coffee, and had a great, extended devotional time with the Lord.  When I was done, I looked out the window.  Yep, it looked like it was going to be a mighty fine day.  

Not!

Before getting started with all the yard work we had to do for the day, I went over to church to sign a couple of letters that had to go out in the mail that morning.  I took with me one of those aromatic plug-ins that Ruthie had given me for my office.  When I went to plug it in, I had trouble reaching the outlet behind my big filing cabinet.  I just about had it in, when it fell.  When I went to retrieve it, my fingers were about an inch and a half short of reaching it.  So I had to maneuver the filing cabinet out (not an easy task), pick up the plug-in, put it into the receptacle, then move the filing cabinet back.  Okay!  That's done!

Before going home, I stopped by the church shed to grab an extra shovel.  While in there reaching for a shovel, I dropped something I had in my hand (I can't remember what it was).  It fell right in between all the big equipment (riding lawnmower, snow blower, and hedge trimmers!).  That took some doing to retrieve it.  "Man, why am I so clumsy today?!" I thought. 

By now I was just a wee bit irritated but still doing okay.

Got home and began putting shovelfuls of mulch in a trash can, lugging it around and dumping it wherever my wife Ruthie wanted it.  "Where's the stinkin' wheelbarrow?" I wondered.  "I thought it was over in the church shed!"  Still, this wasn't too bad.  It was good exercise, provided I lifted it right and didn't strain my back.

A couple hours later while spreading mulch amidst our front bushes, I got poked in the eye ... bad.  For the next several hours, I had to flush it every 15-20 minutes, it would get so irritated.  And I still had yet to mow the lawn!  So I did that and got through it.

Are you tired of my story yet?  Just stick with me, I won't be much longer.

Several additional factors (that I won't bother going into) contributed to making this a super-lousy day.  I was anxious to put it behind me as we got ready for the first church softball game of the new season.  After that we could go home and relax.

That wasn't going to happen.

The game weather was great, but my attitude stunk.  I saw everything in gray or black.  Didn't like the line-up.  Didn't like sitting on the sidelines all but one inning.  Didn't like going 0-3 at the plate.

By the time I got home (we hadn't had dinner yet), I was in too foul a mood to eat.  (Let me assure you, I have to be really worked up to not eat!)  I knew my attitude was bad, so I immediately set out on a prayer walk.  Only the more I tried to pray, the angrier I got.  So I started giving God a piece of my mind.  

So what's up, God?  I got up, had a good quiet time, committed my day to You, and this is what I get?  Thanks a lot.  I'm better off not praying or reading my Bible.  Doesn't make much of a difference, does it?  It seems to make my day worse, not better.  Okay, God, I know I don't do what I do to "earn" your favor, but why don't you cut me some slack?  

On and on I went.  I'm telling you, this was a modern-day rehashing of God's conversation with Jonah.

God:  "Is it right for you to be angry...?"

Jonah:  "It is right for me to be angry, even to death!"

This whole scenario was ridiculous.  Yet it was real.  I was mad at God, mad at my wife, mad at my kids, mad at my softball team, mad at the world.  And now, to top it off, I was mad at myself.  How could I let myself get to this point?  Yet there I was, and I believed I was at the point of no return.  "I've already blown it, so I might as well make it worth it."

Have you ever thought this way?

For brevity's sake, let me summarize the rest of last night's experience with one word:  AWFUL.  I yelled at my wife, was rude to my kids, and hated myself.  It took the better part of two hours for the storm to subside, but even as I turned out the light, my soul was still dark.

I woke up this morning early (4:30) - so sad ... broken ... ashamed.  I know I needed to meet with God.  I did and tried to pray.  Couldn't.  Tried again.  Couldn't.  The words wouldn't come.  They felt hollow.  I felt hollow.  Everything felt so trite.  

Have you ever felt this way?

Finally, I picked up my Puritan prayer book, The Valley of Vision, and looked for a prayer that adequately expressed the anguish of my heart.  God in His grace led me to one.  It is entitled Peril and reads as follows:

Sovereign Commander of the universe,

I am sadly harassed by doubts, fears, unbelief, 

   in a felt spiritual darkness.

My heart is full of evil surmisings and disquietude,

   and I cannot act [exercise] faith at all.

My heavenly Pilot has disappeared,

   and I have lost my hold on the Rock of Ages;

I sink in deep mire beneath storms and waves,

   in horror and distress unutterable.

Help me, O Lord,

   to throw myself absolutely and wholly on thee,

   for better, for worse, without comfort,

      and all but hopeless.

Give me peace of soul, confidence, enlargement of mind,

   morning joy that comes after night heaviness;

Water my soul richly with divine blessings;

Grant that I may welcome thy humbling in private

   so that I might enjoy thee in public;

Give me a mountain top as high as the valley is low.

Thy grace can melt away the worst sinner,

   and I am as vile as he;

Yet thou has made me a monument of mercy,

   a trophy of redeeming power;

In my distress let me not forget this.

All-wise God,

Thy never-failing providence orders every event,

   sweetens every fear,

   reveals evil's presence lurking in seeming good,

   brings real good out of seeming evil,

   makes unsatisfactory what I set my heart upon,

   to show me what a short-sighted creature I am,

   and to teach me to live by faith upon thy blessed self.

Out of my sorrow and night

   give me the name Naphtali - 

   'satisfied with favor' -

   help me to love thee as thy child,

   and to walk worthy of my heavenly pedigree.

Have you ever prayed this way?

How glad I am that God's mercies are new every morning.  Heavenly Father, as I cross the threshold of this day, I recommit myself to You.  Mold me into the image of Your Son Jesus, my Savior.  May I speak each word as if my last word, and walk each step as my final one.  If my life should end today, let this day be my best day.  Amen.