Worshiping with Your Children

Our Christmas Eve service, like our Thanksgiving Eve service, is one of the few times during the year when we don't offer nursery or childcare.  The reason is primarily two-fold:  (1) Everyone likes to participate with their family in the service, so they don't want to do "nursery duty"; (2) The parents want their children with them (usually!), so they can enjoy the service together.

Question:  How come this isn't the case every Sunday?  Don't get me wrong, just hear me out.  Believe me, I can only begin to imagine the tremendous challenges that a lack of childcare would create.  In fact, what prompted this blog posting was my own apprehensions about trying to preach a devotional at the Christmas Eve service with a sanctuary teeming with children torked up for Christmas!  I'm simply trying to think through this issue and am asking you to think through it with me.

Let's go back to the issues raised in paragraph one.  We don't have nursery or children's church at our Thanksgiving Eve and Christmas Eve services, because these are deemed to be "special family times" in God's presence.  So my question is, why wouldn't that be the case each Sunday as we gather together in God's presence for corporate worship?  Shouldn't that be a "special family time" in God's presence?

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to Nick Jones, our Assistant Pastor of Student Ministries.  He mentioned that Noel Piper (wife of prolific author and pastor John Piper) had written on this subject in her book, Treasuring God in Our Traditions.  Nick let me borrow the book, and I enjoyed reading the appendix, which addresses this topic of families worshiping together in the same service on Sunday mornings.  

The first part of this section is written by John Piper, who presents his thoughts on worship.  Essentially, he believes that parents should keep their kids in the main service with them rather than send them off to "children's church."  He shares several reasons why he feels this way, and I have summarized them below, using my own headings:

1.  The Solidarity of Families

John writes, "Worshiping together counters the contemporary fragmentation of families.  Hectic American life leaves little time for significant togetherness."  Wouldn't you agree?  I sure do.  We have five kids that get pulled every which way through school (our kids attend three different institutions), church ministries, sports and other extra-curricular activities.  We treasure the times we get to spend together as a whole family.  Isn't worshiping God together one of the times that we ought to treasure the most?

2.  The Spirit of Worship

Read Scripture, and you will see throughout the Old and New Testaments that parents bear the primary responsibility for teaching their children how to worship.  Certainly in some aspects, worship is better caught then taught.  What a great thing it is for kids to see their parents bow their heads in reverent prayer, sing with joy to the Lord, listen attentively to the preaching of God's Word.  As Piper says, "The cumulative effect of 650 worship services spent with Mom and Dad between the ages of four and seventeen is incalculable."

3.  The Submission of Children

Sitting still for 60-90 minutes in a worship service is not unreasonable for a normal, healthy school-age child IF he/she has been properly disciplined to do so by his/her parents.  After all, teaching our children obedience and submission to authority is one of our primary objectives as parents during their early formative years.  Beyond the worship service itself is the broader principle of raising our children to be "submissive and respectful in every way" (1 Timothy 3:4 RSV).

4.  The Sense of Awe

In our worship services here at First Baptist, we seek to present and maintain a high view of God.  While we recognize our Lord's immanence (He is with us), we also acknowledge His transcendence (He is above and beyond us).  "A deep moving of the magnificence of God" is more likely to be experienced in the corporate worship service than in children's church.  

It is true that some aspects of the service or sermon will be over our children's heads.  But they will absorb more than we think they will.  "For example," says Piper, "to learn a new language you can go step by step from alphabet to vocabulary to grammar to syntax.  Or you can take a course where you dive in over your head, and all you hear is the language you don't know.  Most language teachers would agree hat the latter is by far the most effective."  (This is the reason that Bo and Michele Columbine, our missionary appointees to Senegal, are headed for a year of language school in France before heading to the field in Senegal.)  Similarly, argues Piper, "Sunday worship is not useless to children just because much of it goes over their heads.  They can and will grow into this new language faster than we think - if positive and happy attitudes are fostered by the parents."

Having read some of the reasons for having children accompany their parents to the corporate worship service, let us now consider some practical suggestions for training our children to worship with us.  The following is a summary of Noel Piper's suggestions (which, according to my calculations, she wrote while still in her thirties and mothering three children).  Again, the following is a summary of Noel's suggestions, yet under my own headings:

1. Begin in the home.

Noel writes, "We discovered that the very earliest 'school' for worship is in the home - when we help a baby be quiet for just a moment while we ask God's blessing on our meal; when a toddler is sitting still to listen to a Bible storybook; when a child is learning to pay attention to God's Word and to pray during family devotional times."  If you think about it, family worship is corporate worship in a smaller context.  It's been said that "charity begins at home"; doesn't corporate worship as well?

2. Prepare throughout the week.

Certainly one way in which we as parents prepare our children for the Sunday morning service is to have our own "mini-services" (i.e. family devotions) throughout the week, as noted above.  But beyond that, Noel offers some other helpful suggestions:

• Help your child become acquainted with your pastor.  Let them shake hands with him at the door and be greeted by him.
• Talk about who the worship leaders are; call them by name.
• Suggest that your children's Sunday School teacher invite the pastor to spend a few minutes with the children if your church's Sunday morning schedule allows for that.
• If you know the sermon text for the upcoming Sunday service, read it with your children several times in advance.  A little one's face really lights up when he hears familiar words from the pulpit.
• Talk about what is "special" this week:  a friend singing, a missionary guest that you have been praying for, the welcoming of new members into the church family, etc.

3. Assist during the service.

In addition to preparing our children throughout the week for the corporate worship service, there are things that we as parents can do during the service itself to help our children to worship God with His people the way that they ought:

• Provided there are enough copies, let your child have his or her own bulletin.  This helps your child to feel like a welcomed participant right from the very start of the service.
  
• Encourage your children to take notes.  Don't just let them randomly doodle, but draw a picture relative to the sermon or even to take notes, if they are old enough to do so.
• Have your children sit or stand or close their eyes when the service calls for it.
• Make sure they sit up straight and still - not lounging or fidgeting or crawling around, but respectful toward God and the other worshipers nearby.
• Look toward the worship leaders up front.  No people-gazing or clock-watching.
• Create an environment in your pew that makes worship easier.  Sit between children that are tempted to talk.  Sit near the front of the sanctuary.  Let your child place the offering envelope in the plate as it is passed.  When your children are old enough, encourage them to put in their own offering (from their allowance, gift money, etc.).  Share a Bible or songbook with them.

4.  Follow up after the service.

Noel writes, "When the service has ended, my first words are praise to the child who has behaved well.  In addition to the praise, I might also mention one or two things that we both hope will be better next time.

"But what if there has been disregard of our established expectations and attempt to behave?  The first thing that happens following the service is a silent and immediate trip to the most private place we can find.  Then the deserved words are spoken and consequences administered or promised."

Conclusion

Sunday services provide excellent opportunities on a weekly basis for families to worship God together in the broader context of the church community.  My own parents raised their children in this fashion, and we are all the better off for it.  Granted, there are some logistical hurdles to jump, and certain families will face some unusual challenges that warrant special care and attention.  But I hope that today's posting will generate some worthwhile discussion on this vital topic.  I welcome your feedback and hope that you will make use of the "Comments" section.

One final note:  After reading the appendix in Piper's book, I noted the familiar title, The Family: Together in God's Presence.  I wondered why it looked so familiar.  Then I remembered that a couple of years ago, I read essentially the same article in a published brochure, and I had ordered a couple hundred copies ... which up till now were still sitting in my office!  These brochures have now been placed on the Information Table in the narthex of our sanctuary.  Feel free to pick up one or more copies for yourself, your family and friends!