This fifth and final segment of Teaching Good Manners are general tips that cover a variety of situations. These can be found on pages 132-133 in the book, Disciplines of a Godly Family, by Kent and Barbara Hughes:
1. Knock before you enter a room if the door is closed.
2. If you chew gum in public, do it discreetly and with your mouth closed.
3. Return everything you borrow in the same condition as when you received it, or better.
4. If you lose or break something you have borrowed, even from a relative, replace it.
5. Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
6. Teach your sons to show deference to the opposite sex and the elderly. Encourag ethem to offer to help you (the mother), or any woman, bring in the groceries or packages. Instruct them to unhesitatingly offer their seat to a woman or someone in need in a crowded public place. When walking with a female, boys should walk on the side closest to the street. They should help women and girls with their chair at the table and should open doors for them as well. Although a few women may think such actions are insulting or condescending, we have found that most women appreciate the courtesy.
7. Return telephone calls. (Fletcher’s footnote: Reply to personal e-mail messages, too, provided that they come from a trusted source.)
8. Promptly pay back money you borrow – even a quarter.
9. Be respectful of national flags.
10. Be patient with service people who may find it difficult or confusing counting change or taking your order.
11. Teach your children how to behave with the handicapped. Discreetly explain why they may be different, but teach your children they are just like them, and certainly equals. Explain why most public places have wheelchair ramps and bathroom facilities designed to help the disabled. Instruct your children not to speak in a louder tone of voice to a handicapped person unless the person suggests it, and forbid them to stare. Teach them to treat the handicapped like everyone else, as naturally as possible. Above all, encourage your children not to shy away from conversation with handicapped people.
Manners do not make the man or woman. The radical reorientation that says “my life for your life” can only come from the regenerating work of Christ, who instills his life and ethic in us. Nevertheless, manners teach the need for and complement the character that Christ’s life gives. Lives that say “my life for yours” are channels of God’s grace to a needy world.
This was a good series and brought back to memory quite a few things I was taught in my youth. (I am a "Baby Boomer" educated by Nuns in a Catholic School) It is a good thing to teach young people manners since they are one of the basis of civilization.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, how do we handle older people who apparently were never taught or have forgotten their manners? Sad to say, I see many examples of poor manners (some rising to the level of disrespect) on Sunday mornings in Church. Examples: The continuation of conversations in the auditorium after the Pastor has started to speak. People remaining in the narthex after the start of the service to finish their conversations (quite loudly I might add) (Should the doors be closed at the start of service?). People who block corridors and doorways as they wait for their children or carry on conversations oblivious to those who are trying to pass through.
I try not to let these things bother me but it is difficult some times.
Thank you for sharing your feedback on the manners series as well as your concerns about older folks who have forgotten their manners. Yes, as a pastor I see this taking place all the time - certainly each Sunday. In fact, I have strategized with our ushers as to how we can best deal with these problems as they arise.
ReplyDeleteI think the main thing is that we be model good manners ourselves. There's something to be said about the power of a positive example. In addition to that, we should keep in mind Ephesians 4:2: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." In each situation we face, we should ask, "How can I encourage this person and help them in their walk with God?" Sometimes the answer may be to admonish them gently ("Excuse me, but would you mind scooting just a bit to the side? I think folks are having trouble getting through the doorway.") Sometimes it's informing the right people who can and should do something about a general problem (like suggesting to the ushers that the door be closed at the start of the service). Sometimes just a silent prayer for patience is what's needed!
All these points you raised are good and legitimate issues. Most of them are addressed over time with proper teaching (both formal and informal). As a pastor, I try to keep in mind 2 Timothy 2:24: "The Lord's bondservant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged." I think if we seek to do this, then God will bless our efforts to minister to the hearts of people, the fruit of which will eventually be visible via proper manners and behavior.
Thank you for this series. I have been searching for a way to present information to my children's church class on manners and respect. This information will be helpful in referencing scripture as well as generating dialogue with the students. God has answered my prayers.
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