When Unbelievers Die, How Do You Comfort the Living?

Following last Sunday's sermon on 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, one of our church members sent me the following e-mail: "Here's a question for you regarding the topic of sundays sermon: How do you deal with a new believer that has realized that someone they love died without Christ? How do you comfort THAT, or try and combat their rejection of Christ because of that? I've come across it a couple times already with people close to me, so I am looking for some fresh insite. Seems to be bound to come around again!"

Good point! Most likely, all of us will eventually encounter such questions. What do we say? How do we comfort Christians (or non-Christians) regarding unsaved loved ones who have died?

This is without question a very delicate subject and must be handled very carefully and prayerfully. I think it's very important that we not give them a sense of false hope. That is, if we have no reason to think that they are in heaven, don't give others the impression that they are. This would undermine the authority of God's Word, minimize a person's need for salvation, and create confusion over the nature of true conversion, among other things.

As Christians, we are to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). I think there is a way to offer a measure of comfort without compromising the Scriptures. Personally, I would keep in mind and draw into our conversation three key points from Scripture:

1. The Righteousness (or Rightness) of God

Abraham said in Genesis 18:25, "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" This was a rhetorical question; that is, Abraham was stating a fact by way of a question. Yes, the Judge of all the earth will do right. We can count on that.

This verse reminds us that, ultimately, God is the Judge, not us. "I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings" (Jer. 17:10). God sees everything perfectly and will deal with everyone appropriately. God is utterly just and righteous; therefore, nobody will suffer any injustice with God. Nobody will be treated unfairly. This we can affirm with great confidence and utmost sincerity, based on the truth of Scripture.

2. The Rich Man and Lazarus

This goes directly to the second question that was asked: How do you deal with a person that is tempted to reject Christ because his or her unsaved loved one died apart from Christ? Truly, "love is as strong as death." Therefore, someone might say, "If my loved one isn't in heaven, then I don't want to be there either. I'd rather be in hell where they are."

This is where I think the story of The Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31) would be a helpful reference. Remember that the rich man cried out, "I am tormented in this flame." Then he said to Abraham, who was in Paradise: "I beg you therefore, father, that you would send him [Lazarus] to my father's house, for I have five brothers, that he may testify to them, lest they also come to this place of torment" (vv. 27-28). Clearly, the rich man did not want his loved ones to join him in hell.

Years ago, the heavy-metal rock band AC/DC came out with a song entitled "Highway to Hell," wherein they said:

Living easy, livin' free
Season ticket, on a one - way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too.

I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell.

Folks, hell is no joke. It is a place of horrific torment, where "there will be weeping and ganshing of teeth" (Matt. 25:30). Nobody who loves anybody would want that person in hell.

3. The Rest that Christ Offers

We must realize that there is only so much comfort we can genuinely offer to those whose loved ones have died apart from Christ. That's precisely the point of 1 Thes. 4:13 -- We as Christians do not sorrow as those who have no hope.

However, it is when a person is overwhelmed by such grief, that we can extend to them Jesus' invitation in Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

There is no greater remedy that we can offer to the bereaved. Christ alone "heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). To have Him is to have hope. This is the good news of the gospel.