Today's blog comes in response to a conversation I had with one Christian brother following this past Sunday's sermon on sexual purity.(To see the manuscript, go to http://www.fbcweymouth.org/images/10000/1000/383/user/PleaForPurity2.pdf. It does not include a few of the anecdotes I included in the audio version of the sermon, but it gives the gist of the sermon.) This brother shared with me that some believers might be overcome with guilt in relation to sexual sin -- that even though they've repented of it, they fall back into it, or at least emotionally they can't seem to "forgive themselves."
I understand this dilemma and realize that many believers have struggled with it. At the Sunday night prayer meeting, I told those who were gathered that nowhere in Scripture do we find any command to forgive ourselves. God forgives sinners, and we forgive others, but there is no verse that talks about us forgiving ourselves. My guess is that the real issue for people who are truly repentant is that they have failed to grasp the awesome wonder of God's forgiveness. For such folks I offer three points of encouragement regarding forgiveness, each point being taken from the second half of 1 John 1:7: "The blood of Jesus Christ [God's] Son cleanses us from all sin."
1. The Cost of Our Forgiveness
"The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." Our sin cost the Son of God His very life, for "the wages of sin is death" (Rom. 6:23). The sacrifice had to be without spot and without blemish; therefore Jesus is the only One who qualified (see Hebrews 10:1-4, 11-14). Like the old hymn says:
What can wash away my sin? – Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
What can make me whole again? – Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
Oh, precious is the flow that makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know – Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
2. The Continuance of Our Forgiveness
"The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." The text does not say "did cleanse" or "shall cleanse," but "cleanses." The forgiveness we have in Christ isn’t a past experience or future hope; it is a present reality, a privilege that is ours today; a joy that is ours this very hour! The moment a sinner trusts in Jesus, he is fully forgiven. Daily sins need to be confessed for the sake of our fellowship with Christ, but not our abiding relationship with Him. Why is this? Because our forgiveness rests on His work, not ours ... His righteousness, not ours ... His grace, not our goodness. This leads us to a third and final point to consider:
3. The Completeness of Our Forgiveness
"The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." The great Baptist preacher, Charles Spurgeon, said: "The blood of Jesus Christ is as blessed and divine a payment for the transgressions of blaspheming Peter as for the shortcomings of loving John; our iniquity is gone at once, and all gone forever. Blessed completeness! What a sweet theme to dwell upon. . . ." – While I was praying through this text (1 John 1:7), I heard on my CD the tune to the words:
My sin--O the bliss of this glorious thought--my sin not in part, but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bare it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
If you have truly repented of any known sin and are still experiencing guilt, give it to God. Remind yourself from Scripture that His grace is greater than your sin. (We must never minimize our sin or the depth of our depravity. Rather, we should acknowledge and rejoice over the wonder of God's love and grace.) Trust the unchanging facts of God's Word over your own ever-shifting feelings.
"Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity." -- Psalm 32:2
I wonder if you might have a suggestion for a husband or wife living the forgiveness after a spouse has fallen into sexual sin. How does one seek counsel and not be a "talebearer"?
ReplyDeleteFor any "husband or wife living the forgiveness after a spouse has fallen into sexual sin," I would say a few things...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you're in this problem together, therefore you need to work through it together. A husband or wife who has truly repented of immorality will not be concerned about saving face, but about getting help.
Second, "love covers a multitude of sins." Therefore counseling will not be seen by either spouse as an opportunity to be a "tale-bearer" but to be a "truth-teller." Only as we "speak the truth in love" can we help one another overcome sin and grow in our relationship with the Lord and with one another.
Third, the Scriptures give us the comfort and encouragement we need to have hope in the midst of our trials and troubles. Therefore only a truly biblical counselor should be consulted -- ie., one who uses God's Word as his manual.
On a personal note, I would be more than willing to meet with you and your spouse to help you understand the nature of biblical forgiveness, overcoming sin, and restoring a fractured relationship, if you would like to come see me. Give me a call at 781-335-6232 x202, or e-mail me at fbcmatt@cs.com.
How does a submissive wife deal with her husband's interest in pornography?
ReplyDeleteWho can the wife talk to about something that is so devastating and so personal?
What does a wife do when her husband is unrepentant?
My actions are meant to be restorative, as in directing my husband back to a right relationship with God. How can I do that when I am so wounded that I can hardly breathe?
I feel so isolated. I know that sin is sin. Somehow this feels more shameful than pride or bitterness. I feel like I am being suffocated my husband's sin.
How does a submissive wife deal with her husband's interest in pornography?
ReplyDeleteGalatians 6:1 and Matthew 18:15 -- Make sure your own heart is right with the Lord, confessing any known sins (Matt. 7:5). Then go to your husband in a spirit of humility, desiring to rescue him from this sin that has overtaken him. God's plan for applies to the marriage relationship as much as it does to any other relationship. Being a submissive wife does not mean that you never confront your husband about sin in his life. It means that you do so lovingly, humbly, and respectfully, desiring to see him fully restored to the Lord.
Who can the wife talk to about something that is so devastating and so personal? You should receive counsel from godly Christians (a limited few) who are biblical (very important!) and will also be objective. It's important to remember that the goal of such counsel is the restoration of your husband. Therefore you must not slander or speak evil of him when you seek counsel from others. "He who conceals hatred has lying lips and he who spreads slander is a fool" (Prov. 10:18). In a circumstance such as this, it is usually best to share your concerns with one of your pastors/elders, accompanied by his wife. On a personal note, my wife and I would certainly be willing to help you, if you'd like to contact us through the church (781-335-6232 x202).
What does a wife do when her husband is unrepentant?
(See my response to the previous question.)
My actions are meant to be restorative, as in directing my husband back to a right relationship with God. How can I do that when I am so wounded that I can hardly breathe?
I certainly empathize with you, as I can only imagine the sense of betrayal you must feel. But if you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior, His love is poured out in your heart through the Holy Spirit who has been given to you (Romans 5:5). He can give you a strength beyond yourself to have a forgiving, tender-hearted attitude toward your husband -- not because he deserves it, but because God forgave us when we didn't deserve it (see Ephesians 4:32). This is a great opportunity to allow God to show His power through your weakness (2 Corinthians 4:7; 12:9).
I feel so isolated. I know that sin is sin. Somehow this feels more shameful than pride or bitterness. I feel like I am being suffocated my husband's sin.
The reason that this sin seems so especially "sinful" to you is that it goes right to the heart of your relationship with your husband, and the pain is personal. Yet this is how God sees pride -- as a personal affront to His supremacy. According to Scripture, pride and bitterness are both very serious sins (see Proverbs 8:13; Romans 3:14; Ephesians 4:31; James 3:14-15). How important it is that we see ALL sin as God sees it -- including pornography, pride, bitterness, etc.
I hope this helps. Again, if I can be of further assistance, please let me know. You can e-mail me at pastormatt@fbcweymouth.org or call me at 781-335-6232.