The other day I listened to a lecture by Tedd Tripp on reaching the hearts of our children, not just reforming their behavior. Amidst many humorous, down-to-earth illustrations, Dr. Tripp reinforced that oft-ignored scriptural truth: Heart determines behavior.
So in teaching this mini-series on manners, we have emphasized from the outset the importance of addressing the heart issues that are involved. Our children must understand from Scripture that they were created for God’s glory and that our lives are to revolve around Him, not ourselves. Our kids must come to know the grace of God in Christ, that they might experience that grace for themselves and have that grace flow from their hearts and into the lives of those around them. As adults, we should remember that good manners are caught, not just taught. To teach our children in the ways of God, we must walk the walk ourselves and not just talk the talk.
Speaking of which, we addressed the issue of speech in our last posting. Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:34). Words have a way of revealing what’s in the heart. If we as parents will listen carefully to what our kids say, their words will give us a clue as to the spiritual climate of their hearts. As we shepherd their hearts and they respond to our shepherding, we will see a transformation in the way they talk. The progress will be slow and painstaking at times, but steady. In addition to shepherding their hearts, we also have to teach them the right way to talk. That is to say, they may have a zeal for God-honoring speech, but not according to knowledge! So we need to teach them proper manners in terms of saying "please," "thank you," "pardon me," etc., as well as how to introduce people properly and how to respond when spoken to, especially by an adult.
Continuing on with these "practical pointers," we now turn our attention to table manners. Once again, I have adapted this material from Kent and Barbara Hughes’ book, Disciplines of a Godly Family. They are right in saying that every member of the family should know and practice basic table etiquette. So here we go. . .
Setting the Table
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that the only time to set a nice table is when company is coming. That’s not to say that you should bring out your finest dishes or silverware for everyday dining but that the basic lay-out should be the same, conveying the importance and anticipation of the family meal.
The table should be set as follows: The fork is placed to the left of the plate. The knife goes to the right of the plate, with the cutting edge facing the plate. The spoon is placed directly to the right of the knife. If a soup spoon will be needed, it is placed to the right of the teaspoon, and a salad fork is placed at the left of the dinner fork. The glass is placed just above the point of the knife. The bread plate or salad plate (or both if needed) is placed directly above the forks and to the left. The napkin may be placed to the left of the forks or in the middle of the dinner plate.
Taking the time to teach your children how to set a table is time well spent. They will thank you someday!
Setting the Scene
Once the table is set, it’s nice to add a centerpiece. It can be flowers, fresh fruit, a loaf of freshly baked bread, or simply a nice candle. A centerpiece is that extra touch that says "our times together around the table is special." Perhaps some soft music in the background may even be appropriate.
(Fletcher’s footnote: Some of you are already laughing and saying, "Yeah, right." But let me tell you that it is possible for this to be a more-often-than-not occurrence. My mother did it, and my wife does it. And when Ruthie isn’t around, my daughter Megan does it! In fact, even I usually do it, though not as capably. It’s simply a matter of working at it. And it really does help to create a comfortable and homey atmosphere at mealtime.)
Dinner Is Served
Dinnertime with children is an opportune time for training. But this demands lots of patience and gentle consistency. A sense of humor doesn’t hurt, either! Here is a basic list of what to do and what not to do at mealtime:
1. Come to the table with hands and face washed.
2. Give thanks to God.
3. Place your napkin in your lap.
4. Wait till everyone is served and the hostess begins to eat before you begin. (Fletcher’s footnote: This is a challenge for our family! Believe it or not, our youngest child Timothy does the best at remembering this particular courtesy!)
5. Don’t put your elbows on the table while eating or encircle your plate with your arms resting on the table. (Fletcher’s footnote: When I was a kid and would put my elbows on the table, my dad would always say, "Matthew Fletcher, strong and able – get those elbows off the table! This is not a horse’s stable! This is Fletchers’ dining table!" I think I heard that about 748 times growing up, but hey, in the end it worked! I rarely if ever rest my elbows or arms on the table!)
6. Never say anything negative about the food.
7. When the food is passed, serve yourself small to medium portions.
8. Don’t talk with food in your mouth.
9. Don’t reach in front of another person for food. Simply ask, "Please pass the potatoes."
10. Don’t blow on your food f it is too hot; just wait till it cools down.
11. Learn to hold a knife and fork properly.
12. When you have finished eating, place your knife and fork atop the plate side by side.
13. Fold your napkin, and put it on the table.
14. Offer to help your mother clear the table.
15. Ask to be excused.
Mealtime Conversation
Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." I used to have this verse taped to the base of my telephone as a helpful reminder! Whether or not we post it on our telephone or table, this verse should be stamped on our hearts. Mealtime is a terrific opportunity to administer grace to those seated around you. With that in mind, here are some helpful tips regarding "table talk":
1. Listen. When you are at the table, be fully there. You can’t contribute to a conversation you haven’t been listening to.
2. Learn to ask questions. Don’t wait for someone to direct the conversation toward you.
3. Don’t talk while chewing.
4. Has a family member had a bad day? Give a word of encouragement.
5. Don’t dominate the conversation. Allow others to participate in the discussion.
6. If a dinner guest is shy, look for ways to graciously draw them into the conversation.
7. If conversation is lagging, bring up a new topic, like: "Our class is going on a field trip this Friday!"
8. Don’t interrupt.
9. Thank the cook!
Next time we’ll wrap up this series with some general guidelines for being a good houseguest and to show proper etiquette in a variety of situations. Remember to start with the heart and work your way out! Commit these things to prayer, and practice being a good example. Above all, don’t get disheartened or discouraged! Instead, "be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord" (1 Cor. 15:58).
Monday, January 28, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Teaching Good Manners: Part 3
In Part One of this series, we emphasized from the Scriptures that the heart determines behavior. Therefore, our aim as parents should not be mere reformation on the outside but true transformation on the inside. As we shepherd the hearts of our children in the ways of God according to His Word and in reliance on His Spirit, we can be sure that the good that is taking place on the inside will work its way to the outside.
In Part Two, we emphasized four key scriptural principles that are indispensable in teaching our kids good manners. First, we have to teach them that they are not the center of the universe; God is. Everything we do is ultimately for His glory. Life revolves around the Lord, not us. Second, we want to help them to discover the personal joy that courtesy brings. When we seek to be a blessing to others, we ourselves are blessed. (It helps to think of JOY as an acrostic: Jesus, Others, You. When we make this our pattern, God is pleased, and we are blessed.) Third, we as parents should set the example (see 1 Cor. 11:1; Phil. 4:9). Fourth, teaching ordinary, everyday etiquette to our children takes disciplined effort on our part as parents. Consistency is key!
A great place to start is with speech. As was noted in Part One, what comes out of a person's mouth indicates what's in his heart. As Jesus put it, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:34). Again, we cannot emphasize enough that our goal as parents is to reach the hearts of our children! Keeping that in mind, we can point out to them by their words what they need to work on in terms of their heart attitude. For instance, our words may reflect a spirit of ingratitude or disrespect or insensitivity. These are the heart issues that need to be addressed. We should always point to Christ as our pattern (Phil. 2:5) and power (Phil. 4:13) in overcoming bad habits and developing proper etiquette.
Below is a summary of showing good manners in reference to our speech. They are adapted from Disciplines of a Godly Family, by Kent and Barbara Hughes:
Courteous Words
Ever since I was old enough to remember, my parents ingrained in me that "magic word" -- Please -- as well as its corresponding expression of gratitude: Thank You. These words are so simple to learn, and they are so important to use! Even children that can't speak in complete sentences can learn these simple words of courtesy. Parents can reinforce their importance by never responding to an screaming demand or even an uncourteous request. Show your kids that courtesy is the way to get positive consideration. In addition to teaching them terms like "please" and "thank you," train them to use other common courteous expressions such as "you're welcome," "pardon me," etc.
Introductions
When it comes to introducing people, always say the older person's name before the younger, and the woman's name before the man. These should be prioritized in that order, assuming the age difference is obvious. "Grandma, I'd like you to meet my friend Johnny." "Mr. Smith, I'd like you to meet my cousin Rebecca."
If you forget the name of the person when introducing someone, simply say, "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."
Young children can easily be taught how to respond when their parents introduce them to new people. They should be taught to stand, look the person in the eye, and respond with something like, "Nice to meet you."
Boys should understand that when they are introduced to other males, they should smile and extend their hand, firmly shaking hands while greeting the other with "Hi" or "Nice to meet you" or some other friendly expression. Boys should never shake the hand of a girl or woman unless she extends it to him.
I remember as a kid watching The Muppets TV show. My two favorite characters were those grouchy old men that would make wise-cracks from the balcony. Unfortunately, they weren't very good examples when it came to courteous speech! Nevertheless, The Muppet Guide to Magnificent Manners neatly lists some very helpful tips for children learning to converse. I've also attached some corresponding Bible references to show their consistency with Scripture:
1. Try not to interrupt. If you must, say, "Excuse me for interrupting, but. . ." (Fletcher's footnote: Even better than this rule, I like the "Interrupt Rule" that Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo teach in their course, Growing Kids God's Way. When breaking into their parents' conversation with someone else, children are taught to rest their hand on their parent's arm or shoulder. That signals to the parent that his/her child wants to say something. The child is taught to wait patiently until the parent responds. We taught this when our kids were little, and we were amazed at the impression it made on those to whom we were speaking!)
2. Don't brag or exaggerate. (Romans 12:3; 1 Corinthians 4:7)
3. Don't pretend to know more than you do. (Prov. 12:13, 22; 18:2)
4. When someone compliments you, say "Thank you." Don't belittle the other person ... or get a swelled head. (2 Cor. 10:12-13)
5. Don't finish other people's sentences for them.
6. If you give an opinion, state it as such, not as fact.
7. If you disagree with someone else's opinion, don't say, "You're wrong" or "You're crazy." Say something like "Do you think so? I don't see it like that." (Fletcher's footnote: Of course if a person's opinion is contrary to Scripture, we have the responsibility to "speak the truth in love" - Eph. 4:15. But when we're talking about personal opinions, we have to acknowledge the legitimacy of differing viewpoints and preferences.)
Certainly more common courtesies in reference to speech could be added. Negatively, we should teach our kids not to gossip, tattle, whisper secrets in front of others, criticize or make fun of people, etc. Positively, we should teach them to cheerfully greet others, answer when they're spoken to, always address adults by their proper titles (Mr., Mrs., Miss, etc.).
Of course even more could be added, but you get the idea. As we address heart attitudes, we can also work on using words that can best reflect what should be a positive heart attitude. Some may have a zeal for good manners, but not according to knowledge! So let us be sure to give some helpful guidelines while emphasizing God-honoring attitudes of the heart.
Next time we'll talk about cultivating good table manners! We could probably all use a refresher course on that!
In Part Two, we emphasized four key scriptural principles that are indispensable in teaching our kids good manners. First, we have to teach them that they are not the center of the universe; God is. Everything we do is ultimately for His glory. Life revolves around the Lord, not us. Second, we want to help them to discover the personal joy that courtesy brings. When we seek to be a blessing to others, we ourselves are blessed. (It helps to think of JOY as an acrostic: Jesus, Others, You. When we make this our pattern, God is pleased, and we are blessed.) Third, we as parents should set the example (see 1 Cor. 11:1; Phil. 4:9). Fourth, teaching ordinary, everyday etiquette to our children takes disciplined effort on our part as parents. Consistency is key!
A great place to start is with speech. As was noted in Part One, what comes out of a person's mouth indicates what's in his heart. As Jesus put it, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:34). Again, we cannot emphasize enough that our goal as parents is to reach the hearts of our children! Keeping that in mind, we can point out to them by their words what they need to work on in terms of their heart attitude. For instance, our words may reflect a spirit of ingratitude or disrespect or insensitivity. These are the heart issues that need to be addressed. We should always point to Christ as our pattern (Phil. 2:5) and power (Phil. 4:13) in overcoming bad habits and developing proper etiquette.
Below is a summary of showing good manners in reference to our speech. They are adapted from Disciplines of a Godly Family, by Kent and Barbara Hughes:
Courteous Words
Ever since I was old enough to remember, my parents ingrained in me that "magic word" -- Please -- as well as its corresponding expression of gratitude: Thank You. These words are so simple to learn, and they are so important to use! Even children that can't speak in complete sentences can learn these simple words of courtesy. Parents can reinforce their importance by never responding to an screaming demand or even an uncourteous request. Show your kids that courtesy is the way to get positive consideration. In addition to teaching them terms like "please" and "thank you," train them to use other common courteous expressions such as "you're welcome," "pardon me," etc.
Introductions
When it comes to introducing people, always say the older person's name before the younger, and the woman's name before the man. These should be prioritized in that order, assuming the age difference is obvious. "Grandma, I'd like you to meet my friend Johnny." "Mr. Smith, I'd like you to meet my cousin Rebecca."
If you forget the name of the person when introducing someone, simply say, "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."
Young children can easily be taught how to respond when their parents introduce them to new people. They should be taught to stand, look the person in the eye, and respond with something like, "Nice to meet you."
Boys should understand that when they are introduced to other males, they should smile and extend their hand, firmly shaking hands while greeting the other with "Hi" or "Nice to meet you" or some other friendly expression. Boys should never shake the hand of a girl or woman unless she extends it to him.
I remember as a kid watching The Muppets TV show. My two favorite characters were those grouchy old men that would make wise-cracks from the balcony. Unfortunately, they weren't very good examples when it came to courteous speech! Nevertheless, The Muppet Guide to Magnificent Manners neatly lists some very helpful tips for children learning to converse. I've also attached some corresponding Bible references to show their consistency with Scripture:
1. Try not to interrupt. If you must, say, "Excuse me for interrupting, but. . ." (Fletcher's footnote: Even better than this rule, I like the "Interrupt Rule" that Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo teach in their course, Growing Kids God's Way. When breaking into their parents' conversation with someone else, children are taught to rest their hand on their parent's arm or shoulder. That signals to the parent that his/her child wants to say something. The child is taught to wait patiently until the parent responds. We taught this when our kids were little, and we were amazed at the impression it made on those to whom we were speaking!)
2. Don't brag or exaggerate. (Romans 12:3; 1 Corinthians 4:7)
3. Don't pretend to know more than you do. (Prov. 12:13, 22; 18:2)
4. When someone compliments you, say "Thank you." Don't belittle the other person ... or get a swelled head. (2 Cor. 10:12-13)
5. Don't finish other people's sentences for them.
6. If you give an opinion, state it as such, not as fact.
7. If you disagree with someone else's opinion, don't say, "You're wrong" or "You're crazy." Say something like "Do you think so? I don't see it like that." (Fletcher's footnote: Of course if a person's opinion is contrary to Scripture, we have the responsibility to "speak the truth in love" - Eph. 4:15. But when we're talking about personal opinions, we have to acknowledge the legitimacy of differing viewpoints and preferences.)
Certainly more common courtesies in reference to speech could be added. Negatively, we should teach our kids not to gossip, tattle, whisper secrets in front of others, criticize or make fun of people, etc. Positively, we should teach them to cheerfully greet others, answer when they're spoken to, always address adults by their proper titles (Mr., Mrs., Miss, etc.).
Of course even more could be added, but you get the idea. As we address heart attitudes, we can also work on using words that can best reflect what should be a positive heart attitude. Some may have a zeal for good manners, but not according to knowledge! So let us be sure to give some helpful guidelines while emphasizing God-honoring attitudes of the heart.
Next time we'll talk about cultivating good table manners! We could probably all use a refresher course on that!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Teaching Good Manners: Part 2
If there's one point we emphasized in Part 1 of this series, it was that the goal of godly parenting is not mere behavior modification but heart transformation. That's what we're after, because that's what God is after. Our Lord Jesus said in Luke 6:45, "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
One of the parents in her comments on the last posting made reference to Ted Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart. The first key thought of the book is: The heart determines behavior. Certainly this includes speech, as Jesus indicated in Luke 6:45. But it goes beyond that to include all sorts of behavior (see Mark 7:21-23). What we say and do on the outside is but a reflection of what's really on the inside. Therefore, teaching good manners begins with the training of the heart.
What's the goal of every Christian? To glorify God by becoming like Christ. The apostle Paul set forth the example of Christ as the basis for being considerate of others when he said, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:4-5). Self-sacrificing love is at the heart of good manners.
It's important to remember, too, that Christ is not only our pattern; He is also our power. After telling believers to follow the example of Christ, Paul says Christians can do this, "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13). In Christ we find both the pattern and the power to do what is right!
So it all begins with the heart. Children, like adults, are by nature self-centered. But in Christ we are able to put the interests of others before our own.
Now, with this in mind, how can we as parents consciously teach and train our children to have good manners? Let me start off with four basic elements offered by Kent and Barbara Hughes in their helpful book, Disciplines of a Godly Family:
1. Teach your children that they are not the center of the universe; God is. Everything they have, even life itself, is a gift from God. The Scriptures command all God's children to be grateful people who perpetually give thanks (1 Thess. 5:18; Phil. 4:6; Rom. 1:21). Self-pity and egocentricity are telltale signs of a self-centered, grouchy heart. Manners move us away from self.
2. Help your children discover that courtesy brings joy. We can find genuine pleasure in helping those in need, whether it's an elderly woman needing assistance across the street or the person seated across the dinner table whose glass needs filling.
3. Set the example. Be gracious yourself. Let your example include being courteous to your own children when correcting their manners. Don't embarrass them. (Fletcher's footnote: This issue of parents being an example was another issue that was raised in people's comments on the last posting. The influence of our own example cannot be underestimated! How can we teach our children to be gracious if we ourselves our rude? Good manners must begin with us!)
4. Understand that teaching ordinary, everyday etiquette will take disciplined work on your part.
Good manners are not developed with a passive "let go and let God" kind of mentality. No, it is precisely because we have the power of Christ within us that we are to give ourselves vigorously to this endeavor. Paul himself said, "To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily" (Col. 1:29). There you have it: a personal effort that is fueled by God's energy. Well-mannered believers make a conscious, deliberate effort to serve others conscientiously and consistently by the power of God for the glory of God.
Next time we'll delve into the specific area of speech. Between now and then, how about reading Philippians 2 with your children? Talk about the example of Christ and how we can pursue His likeness in this area by allowing the Lord to fill our hearts with His love and power? You can even point out, as Paul did, how Timothy and Epaphroditus did this (see verses 19-30), then think of ways in which you and your kids can demonstrate selfless service in your own lives.
May the grace of God go to work in your hearts and in your home as you obey His Word in the power of His Holy Spirit!
One of the parents in her comments on the last posting made reference to Ted Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart. The first key thought of the book is: The heart determines behavior. Certainly this includes speech, as Jesus indicated in Luke 6:45. But it goes beyond that to include all sorts of behavior (see Mark 7:21-23). What we say and do on the outside is but a reflection of what's really on the inside. Therefore, teaching good manners begins with the training of the heart.
What's the goal of every Christian? To glorify God by becoming like Christ. The apostle Paul set forth the example of Christ as the basis for being considerate of others when he said, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:4-5). Self-sacrificing love is at the heart of good manners.
It's important to remember, too, that Christ is not only our pattern; He is also our power. After telling believers to follow the example of Christ, Paul says Christians can do this, "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13). In Christ we find both the pattern and the power to do what is right!
So it all begins with the heart. Children, like adults, are by nature self-centered. But in Christ we are able to put the interests of others before our own.
Now, with this in mind, how can we as parents consciously teach and train our children to have good manners? Let me start off with four basic elements offered by Kent and Barbara Hughes in their helpful book, Disciplines of a Godly Family:
1. Teach your children that they are not the center of the universe; God is. Everything they have, even life itself, is a gift from God. The Scriptures command all God's children to be grateful people who perpetually give thanks (1 Thess. 5:18; Phil. 4:6; Rom. 1:21). Self-pity and egocentricity are telltale signs of a self-centered, grouchy heart. Manners move us away from self.
2. Help your children discover that courtesy brings joy. We can find genuine pleasure in helping those in need, whether it's an elderly woman needing assistance across the street or the person seated across the dinner table whose glass needs filling.
3. Set the example. Be gracious yourself. Let your example include being courteous to your own children when correcting their manners. Don't embarrass them. (Fletcher's footnote: This issue of parents being an example was another issue that was raised in people's comments on the last posting. The influence of our own example cannot be underestimated! How can we teach our children to be gracious if we ourselves our rude? Good manners must begin with us!)
4. Understand that teaching ordinary, everyday etiquette will take disciplined work on your part.
Good manners are not developed with a passive "let go and let God" kind of mentality. No, it is precisely because we have the power of Christ within us that we are to give ourselves vigorously to this endeavor. Paul himself said, "To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily" (Col. 1:29). There you have it: a personal effort that is fueled by God's energy. Well-mannered believers make a conscious, deliberate effort to serve others conscientiously and consistently by the power of God for the glory of God.
Next time we'll delve into the specific area of speech. Between now and then, how about reading Philippians 2 with your children? Talk about the example of Christ and how we can pursue His likeness in this area by allowing the Lord to fill our hearts with His love and power? You can even point out, as Paul did, how Timothy and Epaphroditus did this (see verses 19-30), then think of ways in which you and your kids can demonstrate selfless service in your own lives.
May the grace of God go to work in your hearts and in your home as you obey His Word in the power of His Holy Spirit!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Teaching Good Manners: Part 1
Agur, an ancient sage who lived around the time of King Solomon, decried the lack of respect, purity, humility, and sensitivity that he saw among his own peers or the younger generation of his day. His observations are recorded in Proverbs 30:11-14:
There is a generation that curses its father,
And does not bless its mother.
There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes,
Yet is not washed from its filthiness.
There is a generation -- oh, how lofty are their eyes!
And their eyelids are lifted up [in arrogance].
There is a generation whose teeth are like swords,
And whose fangs are like knives,
To devour the poor from off the earth,
And the needy from among men.
In commenting on this text, John MacArthur writes, "These proverbs condemn various forms of unwise behavior and are connected with this common phrase which points to the fact that certain sins can permeate a whole society or time period." Indeed, we are this very day living "in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom [we as Christians] shine as lights in the world" (Phil. 2:15). Therefore, as Christians, we do not want to be characterized by the same traits as the unbelieving world. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:3, "Let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints."
If you look at the Proverbs text, you'll note that the deplorable conduct of an ungodly generation includes:
- disrespect toward parents
- self-righteous attitude ("pure in its own eyes") that refuses to admit fault or failure
- mean-spirited and hurtful words toward others
- preoccupation with self that causes them to be insensitive to -- and even take advantage of -- the less fortunate.
Now let me ask you a question: How many of your own kids struggle with these things?
Let me answer that question for you: They all do. Why? Because it is their natural inclination as sinners! Yet by God's grace they can belong to "the generation of the upright" (Psalm 112:2), who show their fear of God and faith in God through their conduct toward others!
That's what I want to address over the next several blogs. I want to talk about reclaiming good manners among our children. This presupposes salvation in Christ, for it does no good to try to reform our kids on the outside if they have not been regenerated on the inside. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" (2 Cor. 5:17, emphasis added). Our mandate as Christian parents is to "tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, His power, and the wonders He has done. . . . so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children" (Psalm 78:4, 6; emphasis added).
The training of our children begins and ends with God, for without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5), yet with Him all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).
Within the next day or so, I'll write "part two" of this series, getting into this whole subject of good manners. But before I write or you read anything further, why not spend some time in prayer, asking the Lord to do a work in your heart and that of your children? Remember, what we're after is not mere behavior modification but true heart transformation. Jesus said, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you" (John 15:7). Parents, let's claim our kids for God! Let's lift them up in prayer, asking God to be glorified in their lives! For those of you who think your kids are too far gone, ask God for the impossible! After all, He "is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (Eph. 3:20). Let that power go to work in you and your kids! Unleash that power through prayer.
Do that today. And by tomorrow or the next day, we'll move on to some practical pointers.
There is a generation that curses its father,
And does not bless its mother.
There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes,
Yet is not washed from its filthiness.
There is a generation -- oh, how lofty are their eyes!
And their eyelids are lifted up [in arrogance].
There is a generation whose teeth are like swords,
And whose fangs are like knives,
To devour the poor from off the earth,
And the needy from among men.
In commenting on this text, John MacArthur writes, "These proverbs condemn various forms of unwise behavior and are connected with this common phrase which points to the fact that certain sins can permeate a whole society or time period." Indeed, we are this very day living "in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom [we as Christians] shine as lights in the world" (Phil. 2:15). Therefore, as Christians, we do not want to be characterized by the same traits as the unbelieving world. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:3, "Let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints."
If you look at the Proverbs text, you'll note that the deplorable conduct of an ungodly generation includes:
- disrespect toward parents
- self-righteous attitude ("pure in its own eyes") that refuses to admit fault or failure
- mean-spirited and hurtful words toward others
- preoccupation with self that causes them to be insensitive to -- and even take advantage of -- the less fortunate.
Now let me ask you a question: How many of your own kids struggle with these things?
Let me answer that question for you: They all do. Why? Because it is their natural inclination as sinners! Yet by God's grace they can belong to "the generation of the upright" (Psalm 112:2), who show their fear of God and faith in God through their conduct toward others!
That's what I want to address over the next several blogs. I want to talk about reclaiming good manners among our children. This presupposes salvation in Christ, for it does no good to try to reform our kids on the outside if they have not been regenerated on the inside. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" (2 Cor. 5:17, emphasis added). Our mandate as Christian parents is to "tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, His power, and the wonders He has done. . . . so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children" (Psalm 78:4, 6; emphasis added).
The training of our children begins and ends with God, for without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5), yet with Him all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).
Within the next day or so, I'll write "part two" of this series, getting into this whole subject of good manners. But before I write or you read anything further, why not spend some time in prayer, asking the Lord to do a work in your heart and that of your children? Remember, what we're after is not mere behavior modification but true heart transformation. Jesus said, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you" (John 15:7). Parents, let's claim our kids for God! Let's lift them up in prayer, asking God to be glorified in their lives! For those of you who think your kids are too far gone, ask God for the impossible! After all, He "is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (Eph. 3:20). Let that power go to work in you and your kids! Unleash that power through prayer.
Do that today. And by tomorrow or the next day, we'll move on to some practical pointers.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Calling on the Lord
We are six days into our Week of Prayer here at First Baptist Church. Each day a different member of our church family has shared a devotional to encourage us in our prayers. Today's devotional was submitted by Dana Edwards, who has been here at First Baptist since his birth! The same is true of Dana's wife, Leanne. Both have been actively serving the Lord here for many, many years in various capacities. Currently, Dana teaches an adult Bible School class and participates in our monthly nursing home ministries, among other things. Leanne serves as a deaconess and teaches a children's Bible School class. The Lord has blessed Dana and Leanne with four children: Ben, Celia, Jake, and Kaitlyn. In today's article, Dana shares what the Lord has taught him about calling on His name.
I work in advertising as an art director. Advertising is a very deadline-driven field. It seems that nobody really plans ahead and the art director is always designing at the eleventh hour to save everyone’s bacon.
There was a nine-year stretch in my career where I worked on my own. I was a freelancer. I had a mixture of ad agencies and my own clients for whom I worked. I was a one-person operation. Whatever work needed to be done, I was the one that had to do it.
There was a specific lesson the Lord had to teach me five or six times before I grasped what I was supposed to learn. Every once in a while I would have more than one job that needed to be completed on the same impossible deadline. I would immediately go to work designing. And worrying. As the deadlines drew closer and closer, the effort and the anxiety grew greater and greater. It seemed like the clock on the wall was really a fan.
Finally, when it was certain that I would never be enough time to finish all the work, I would call out to the Lord and say something like “Lord, you’ve got to do something here. It’s humanly impossible for me to accomplish what needs to be done.” Each of those half dozen or so times, the phone rang within half an hour with a client on the phone explaining that something came up that was going to push back the schedule. Each time, I found myself laughing in delight and praising the Lord for His goodness.
I believe there were two primary lessons the Lord wanted to teach me through these experiences. First, the Lord wanted me to know I could call on Him in the day of trouble and He would answer me. That His ear was inclined toward me and he delighted in meeting my need because that would bring Him honor. Psalm 86: 4-7 says “Make glad the soul of Your servant, For to You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; And give heed to the voice of my supplications! In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, for You will answer me.”
The second lesson he wanted me to grasp (and this is the one that I didn’t learn until the last time) was that I didn’t have to wait until the last possible minute to call on Him. I finally realized that I could call on the Lord the minute I was aware that the schedule would be tight. That He would give me the peace of the Spirit in the beginning, middle an end of the trial. What a difference it was to call on Him at the start and enjoy His presence through the whole process instead of just at the last second.
Oh what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear --
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
–Joseph M. Scriven
I work in advertising as an art director. Advertising is a very deadline-driven field. It seems that nobody really plans ahead and the art director is always designing at the eleventh hour to save everyone’s bacon.
There was a nine-year stretch in my career where I worked on my own. I was a freelancer. I had a mixture of ad agencies and my own clients for whom I worked. I was a one-person operation. Whatever work needed to be done, I was the one that had to do it.
There was a specific lesson the Lord had to teach me five or six times before I grasped what I was supposed to learn. Every once in a while I would have more than one job that needed to be completed on the same impossible deadline. I would immediately go to work designing. And worrying. As the deadlines drew closer and closer, the effort and the anxiety grew greater and greater. It seemed like the clock on the wall was really a fan.
Finally, when it was certain that I would never be enough time to finish all the work, I would call out to the Lord and say something like “Lord, you’ve got to do something here. It’s humanly impossible for me to accomplish what needs to be done.” Each of those half dozen or so times, the phone rang within half an hour with a client on the phone explaining that something came up that was going to push back the schedule. Each time, I found myself laughing in delight and praising the Lord for His goodness.
I believe there were two primary lessons the Lord wanted to teach me through these experiences. First, the Lord wanted me to know I could call on Him in the day of trouble and He would answer me. That His ear was inclined toward me and he delighted in meeting my need because that would bring Him honor. Psalm 86: 4-7 says “Make glad the soul of Your servant, For to You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; And give heed to the voice of my supplications! In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, for You will answer me.”
The second lesson he wanted me to grasp (and this is the one that I didn’t learn until the last time) was that I didn’t have to wait until the last possible minute to call on Him. I finally realized that I could call on the Lord the minute I was aware that the schedule would be tight. That He would give me the peace of the Spirit in the beginning, middle an end of the trial. What a difference it was to call on Him at the start and enjoy His presence through the whole process instead of just at the last second.
Oh what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear --
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
–Joseph M. Scriven
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sweet Hour of Prayer
Today's devotional was submitted by Ed Chisam, who serves as Chairman of the Deacons at First Baptist Church. Eddie's wife, April, also serves as one of our deaconesses. Eddie and April are expecting their first child, and they are grateful to God for His precious gift. In today's blog, Eddie shares a word of exhortation from the Psalms, blending its theme with a testimony from the life of William Walford, who wrote the much-beloved hymn, Sweet Hour of Prayer. This has special relevance to us as a congregation at this particular time, as we have been meeting each evening to spend an hour before God's throne throughout this Week of Prayer. We thank Eddie for sharing this encouraging devotional, which I'm sure will bless and strengthen your heart.
When we meet together to pray, we stir each other up to praise God's holy name. To help reflect upon the Lord's faithfulness and love towards us, I often read some of the Psalms, which help to stimulate a prayerful spirit.
Last night, I read Psalm 146, which teaches us to place our trust in the Lord:
Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul. I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them— the LORD, who remains faithful forever.
He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets prisoners free, the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.
The LORD reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD.
An example of a man who trusted in the Lord was one William Walford, a blind pastor who lived in England in the 1800's. Though he was blind, the Lord gave him an uncommon insight. He memorized large portions of scripture, which he would quote verbatim during his sermons. Walford composed musicial verses of praise. And he prayed continuously to the Lord.
Some in the world may have pitied William Walford, because he could not see. But God loved him, and loved to hear his prayers, and blessed his ministry. Thomas Salmon, from New York, spent some time with William Walford. One day, William Walford recited a song he had been working on, and Thomas Salmon copied down the verses. Today, we sing his song, "Sweet Hour of Prayer", which is a fitting composition from a man who drew such great strength and joy from his time of prayer with the Lord:
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care,
And bids me at my Father's throne
Make all my wants and wishes known.
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul has often found relief
And oft escaped the tempter's snare
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
When we meet together to pray, we stir each other up to praise God's holy name. To help reflect upon the Lord's faithfulness and love towards us, I often read some of the Psalms, which help to stimulate a prayerful spirit.
Last night, I read Psalm 146, which teaches us to place our trust in the Lord:
Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul. I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them— the LORD, who remains faithful forever.
He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets prisoners free, the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.
The LORD reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD.
An example of a man who trusted in the Lord was one William Walford, a blind pastor who lived in England in the 1800's. Though he was blind, the Lord gave him an uncommon insight. He memorized large portions of scripture, which he would quote verbatim during his sermons. Walford composed musicial verses of praise. And he prayed continuously to the Lord.
Some in the world may have pitied William Walford, because he could not see. But God loved him, and loved to hear his prayers, and blessed his ministry. Thomas Salmon, from New York, spent some time with William Walford. One day, William Walford recited a song he had been working on, and Thomas Salmon copied down the verses. Today, we sing his song, "Sweet Hour of Prayer", which is a fitting composition from a man who drew such great strength and joy from his time of prayer with the Lord:
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care,
And bids me at my Father's throne
Make all my wants and wishes known.
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul has often found relief
And oft escaped the tempter's snare
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
A Hole in the Shoe and our Heavenly Father
During this Week of Prayer at First Baptist Church, we are hearing from various folks in our congregation regarding their own journey in the discipline of prayer. Today's contribution comes from Linda McMorrow, who serves as a deaconess and has been a member of First Baptist Church for many, many years, along with her two sons, Chris and Paul. Here is Linda's testimony that she wanted to share with our readership:
Is there anyone out there in trouble and bewildered? Is there anyone out there in pain? I want you to know that the Lord God is aware of all the details of your problems. In fact, if you belong to God as His child, your problems have been designed and sent by Him.
Now, what do we do? If we know God is sovereign over all our affairs, it makes sense to go to the One who sees trouble coming from afar off and who provides for a solution at the same time.
Once I was on my way to work on a dismal day, fragile in spirit and physical strength. My problems that miserable March day were a hole in my shoe and the prospect of a long walk through the slushy city streets, a cold and wet foot for the day, and a daunting assignment. I pleaded with the Lord my Heavenly Father all the way into the city to rescue His pathetic daughter somehow. The prospects looked dim.
After parking my car and getting out, I opened the rear door to retrieve my work equipment. To my everlasting delight, I saw on the opposite floorboard a pair of Eddie Bauer boots, top of the line! I later found out that my son's friend Brad had "accidentally" forgotten to take them home after a sleepover. They fit me perfectly and I walked on glory clouds to my destination. To top it off, when I got to my assignment I was told by the receptionist that the job was canceled. I was able to go home that day which is where I needed to be. I marveled at what a tenderhearted Father I had and I often think back to His precious provision in answer to those whining prayers of mine. God's solution was already in place for me the whole wretched time and I didn't even know it! So be exceedingly glad. The Lord delights in you. He has already answered your prayer and, in due time, it will be revealed to you.
"But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19).
"He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted me" (Psalm 18:19).
Is there anyone out there in trouble and bewildered? Is there anyone out there in pain? I want you to know that the Lord God is aware of all the details of your problems. In fact, if you belong to God as His child, your problems have been designed and sent by Him.
Now, what do we do? If we know God is sovereign over all our affairs, it makes sense to go to the One who sees trouble coming from afar off and who provides for a solution at the same time.
Once I was on my way to work on a dismal day, fragile in spirit and physical strength. My problems that miserable March day were a hole in my shoe and the prospect of a long walk through the slushy city streets, a cold and wet foot for the day, and a daunting assignment. I pleaded with the Lord my Heavenly Father all the way into the city to rescue His pathetic daughter somehow. The prospects looked dim.
After parking my car and getting out, I opened the rear door to retrieve my work equipment. To my everlasting delight, I saw on the opposite floorboard a pair of Eddie Bauer boots, top of the line! I later found out that my son's friend Brad had "accidentally" forgotten to take them home after a sleepover. They fit me perfectly and I walked on glory clouds to my destination. To top it off, when I got to my assignment I was told by the receptionist that the job was canceled. I was able to go home that day which is where I needed to be. I marveled at what a tenderhearted Father I had and I often think back to His precious provision in answer to those whining prayers of mine. God's solution was already in place for me the whole wretched time and I didn't even know it! So be exceedingly glad. The Lord delights in you. He has already answered your prayer and, in due time, it will be revealed to you.
"But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19).
"He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted me" (Psalm 18:19).
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Living Double Lives
As I mentioned in yesterday's posting, this week we are featuring different articles submitted by members of our congregation at First Baptist Church as part of our Week of Prayer emphasis. Today's posting was contributed by Brendan Burke, who serves as one of our deacons. Brendan and his wife Julie have been part of the First Baptist Church family for a few years, and during this time the Lord has blessed them with a beautiful daughter, Elizabeth. In today's devotional, Brendan shares with us as believers the importance of being fully devoted followers of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).
After Christ came into my life, the Holy Spirit showed me what this text meant. The more I turned from my old sinful ways, the more true joy and peace I would find. This is only found in our new life in Christ.
The apostle Paul reminds us, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Col. 3:3-4).
Meditate on these words. We should have only one life and it ought to be hidden in Christ Jesus. Isn’t this one of the first steps of our Christian walk: Recognizing that we are not our own, but that we are God’s. We have been bought with a price. I believe we lack a great deal of peace in our lives because of the way we approach God each day. We can go through the motions of a daily quiet time: read the Word and say a quick prayer. All the while we plan our day and decide our own agendas. We forget the rest of Colossians 3:17, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Did you get that? Whatever. That means everything. Do not forget that when you lose your life you will find it. If God was big enough to save you from your sins as you trusted him for your salvation, which is for eternity, surely you can trust him when your day is simply not going very well. Do not forget that Jesus is the potter and we are the clay. Let Jesus mold you into something beautiful. Jesus was one with the Father. He trusted him even to the point of shedding His own blood. But look at the beautiful results from Christ’s life. Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” If we are trying to hold on to our old self we will never find true peace. Is there anything attractive about someone who lives hypocritically? How quickly we can recognize when someone’s actions don’t line up with their words. Why then do we think it is acceptable when it comes to our walks with God? Please read Colossians3 in its entirety. It is a good chapter to put to memory.
We are not here to serve ourselves. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship” (Rom. 12:1).
If you believe the Bible is God's Word, please take Jesus at His word. Acts 2:42 says, “They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
God has not changed. He will still hear our prayers if we cry out to him. Like it says in Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).
After Christ came into my life, the Holy Spirit showed me what this text meant. The more I turned from my old sinful ways, the more true joy and peace I would find. This is only found in our new life in Christ.
The apostle Paul reminds us, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Col. 3:3-4).
Meditate on these words. We should have only one life and it ought to be hidden in Christ Jesus. Isn’t this one of the first steps of our Christian walk: Recognizing that we are not our own, but that we are God’s. We have been bought with a price. I believe we lack a great deal of peace in our lives because of the way we approach God each day. We can go through the motions of a daily quiet time: read the Word and say a quick prayer. All the while we plan our day and decide our own agendas. We forget the rest of Colossians 3:17, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Did you get that? Whatever. That means everything. Do not forget that when you lose your life you will find it. If God was big enough to save you from your sins as you trusted him for your salvation, which is for eternity, surely you can trust him when your day is simply not going very well. Do not forget that Jesus is the potter and we are the clay. Let Jesus mold you into something beautiful. Jesus was one with the Father. He trusted him even to the point of shedding His own blood. But look at the beautiful results from Christ’s life. Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” If we are trying to hold on to our old self we will never find true peace. Is there anything attractive about someone who lives hypocritically? How quickly we can recognize when someone’s actions don’t line up with their words. Why then do we think it is acceptable when it comes to our walks with God? Please read Colossians3 in its entirety. It is a good chapter to put to memory.
We are not here to serve ourselves. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship” (Rom. 12:1).
If you believe the Bible is God's Word, please take Jesus at His word. Acts 2:42 says, “They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
God has not changed. He will still hear our prayers if we cry out to him. Like it says in Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Monday, January 7, 2008
God, Our Source of Help and Hope
Throughout this Week of Prayer at First Baptist Church, I have decided to post testimonies and devotionals on prayer from various folks in our congregation. I pray that these contributions will bless and encourage you in your own prayer efforts as you read them.
Today's contribution is by Ellen Capozzi, who along with her husband Joe, have been part of the FBC family for about a year and a half. They both teach Bible School classes and are devoted to the Lord and His Church. Here is what Ellen has to say regarding her own education in the school of prayer:
When I was a new Christian I loved reading and studying my Bible, but I didn't pray much, if at all. I would call my sister or Pastor any time I had a problem, once even in the middle of the night. After a while, the Lord not so subtly was trying to teach me to come to Him, and not to put my hope in people to rescue me from my troubles. For a long time either no one was available to help me, or they totally let me down. My favorite verse at the time was Psalm 108:12- "Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless."
I'm so thankful that the Lord was so patient to teach me to pray, and so faithful and gracious to answer my prayers through the years. Truly "He is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). Now I know that people can help me only as God helps them.
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him" (Psalm 62:5).
Today's contribution is by Ellen Capozzi, who along with her husband Joe, have been part of the FBC family for about a year and a half. They both teach Bible School classes and are devoted to the Lord and His Church. Here is what Ellen has to say regarding her own education in the school of prayer:
When I was a new Christian I loved reading and studying my Bible, but I didn't pray much, if at all. I would call my sister or Pastor any time I had a problem, once even in the middle of the night. After a while, the Lord not so subtly was trying to teach me to come to Him, and not to put my hope in people to rescue me from my troubles. For a long time either no one was available to help me, or they totally let me down. My favorite verse at the time was Psalm 108:12- "Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless."
I'm so thankful that the Lord was so patient to teach me to pray, and so faithful and gracious to answer my prayers through the years. Truly "He is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). Now I know that people can help me only as God helps them.
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him" (Psalm 62:5).
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